So after talking about the importance of family structure, building lasting relationships, raising children, etc. we came to the topic of blended families, divorce, or also loss of a spouse. Situations that we hope would never happen to us, but something I realized as we discussed this topic is how it’s important to understand it. We never want to go through it, but it is important to understand. It may not be you who goes through it, but it could be a loved one.

There is much more that comes along with a divorce then just two people splitting up. And there is more that comes with blended families then just the mom and dad getting married to each other and the whole family moving into the same house. There is other “baggage” that comes along. Other family members, including extended family members are also impacted. When a whole family system is changed more are effected then just the two who broke of the marriage. Children have to adjust to a new parent(s), they have to figure out which biological parent to live with, when they will visit the other parent, they have to deal with the drama for lack of better word between their divorced parents, etc. Extended family has to figure out how to deal with the changes, only to name a few.

Although there are a lot of difficulties and trials that come along with divorce and/or blended families they can still be a great thing, and beneficial to the members of the family. It may take a lot more time to get the family system functioning smoothly, but it can happen. In class we watched the music video of “The Man He didn’t Have to be” by Brad Paisley. It was an incredible and moving example of a positive effect on a blended family. There were also quite a few other students in my class that are actually members of blended families too that have had positive effects. Situations are what we make of them. When we do our very best, then in the end we ultimately come out stronger.

This week’s topic was parenting. It was kind of fun. For part of our Homework for the class we had to watch a few videos on parenting, mainly the best way of disciplining. To say the least they were very cheesy and not the best acting, no offence to them, but the lessons they taught in the videos were really good. There are many different styles and ways you can parent, and it all depends on the child and parents, the videos gave some great guide lines.

A couple things in particular that stuck out to me were first, how to go about disciplining children. Yelling and spanking often times does nothing. I know for myself when I got yelled at it never helped, it always just creates bad feelings, resentment, and more problems.  I heard an experience that I thought was really key, they said they got really made at one of their children and went straight in and started yelling at them and throwing out punishments, then walked out of the room, got half way down the hall turned around and went back to their child and apologized and said they didn’t mean what they said but that he was going to talk to them about what happened in 20 minutes once they had cooled down. I thought that was so cool because how often does that happen when we respond without thinking and then more problems end up getting formed then fixed? If we can think before we respond then we have the ability to turn mistakes into learning experiences.

Second thing that I actually found kind of interesting was three different parent styles. I never really thought of there being “styles” of parenting that had names. But they are Authoritarian, Permissive, and Active or Authoritative. Authoritarian meaning the parents are very controlling, but themselves above the child, and make the child feel like they ‘need’ their parents for everything. As you would think, not very affective parenting. Permissive is not very affective either. That is when the parents are kind of just wishy washy with everything. The most affective is the Active parenting. That is when you teach responsibility, respect, courage, and other traits like that. Children are actually taught valuable lessons, and ultimately come out stronger, and with a better relationship with their parents, in the end.

Parenting may seem like a hard and over whelming task. Which in lots of cases that may be true. But very few people who have gone through the process regret it. It is a privilege to be able to have a family, to build those relationships and enjoy the other blessing that come along the way. Not only do the parents teach the children and they get to learn and grow, but the parents do as well.

In today’s world people seem to underestimate, and even belittle the role of a father in children’s lives. Many do not realize how important a father’s role really is in the lives of children. In the past any studies have been done on the relationships between mothers and their children, but not many on relationships between fathers and their children. But in a more recent study I found they talked about the role of the father in the family and on the children.

The first point that I think is important is the role of fathers during pre-birth and after the child is born. For most the father should be involved before the child is born. When the mother involves her husband in the growth of the child when it is in her whom the father is able to start building a relationship with the child from the beginning. A couple things that the mother could do is let her husband feel when the baby kicks, or other things that go on. Then the father feels he is a part of the child’s life before it is even born. After the baby is born the father still has a huge role to play. In a study the researchers said “As a baby develops a relationship with his or her mother and father, he comes to prefer them to other adults”.

I’m sure everyone would agree that the best years of children’s lives in their teenage years. Or maybe not. It certainly is the time where children change the most and really start to learn and find who they are. Even though that tends to be the time that children turn away from their parents, their parents still play a huge role in their lives. Fathers and teenagers

The father doesn’t just play a huge role in each child’s life, but also in the family as a whole, in the family System. The Family a Proclamation to the World states “fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” Just from that statement we get the feel of how important the father is, and also the opposite effect, how hard it would be without the father there fulfilling those roles.

That brings me to the next point that I think is important to include, that is what happens when the Father is out of the home. Like I mentioned earlier many people do not think about how much of an impact the father plays in the lives of their children. And how devastating it is on the lives of children when they don’t have a father. Some of the effects on children who grow up without a father in the home are increase risks of dropping out of school, behavior disorders, drug abuse, and suicides just to name a few.

Fathers play a huge role in the development of kids. The last point I would like to talk about is a topic I found on an article, they called it “Good Fathering is good parenting.” Children look up to their fathers, he sets an example for them and gives them the motivation to work and expire to something higher. From day one, when fathers take time to spend with their children they are able to build lasting relationships that will ultimately greatly benefit their children's lives. More than some may think.

The main topic this week was communication. If you have been or are in any kind of relationship you know that communication is a huge thing. And if you didn’t know that, now you do. And why is that? Think about it, what comes to your mind.

There were three different methods of communication that we discussed. Communication through words, out tone, and also non-verbal communication. Which of those would you say is more prominent? When you think of communication often times you would think of actually speaking, so most would say words. But one study showed that 51% is non-verbal, 35% is tone, then words actually being the least with 14%. It is often times with the non-verbal communication where problems arise. No one knows what someone else is thinking in any given situation. That is why it is important to communicate through words with our spouse, and the rest of the family. Lots of times problems will arise just because of misunderstanding, sometimes which can be devastating. Little problems can turn into big problems without communication. Something I have learned with roommates is that if we are to discuss problems when they are very small it is so much easier to resolve them then when we let them grow. Like in all situations it is easier to fix a problem when it is small than when it is large.

It is important to have good communication with those around us. It shows others we care about them when we take them time to communicate and to understand and see where others are coming from. Not only does it show people we care, but it strengthens our relationships, and that is ultimately what we want.    

Why do bad things happen to good people? Common question that many people ask. How would you answer? My first response to that question is it is through those hard and trying time that we are able to grow the most.

This week in class we talked about crisis, namely family crisis. Not only do bad things happen to good people, but bad things happen to good families as well. Crisis always strikes at one point or another. Whether it be as small as a sprained ankle to has large as a death of a family member. We see time and time again how when crisis hits individuals and families tend to crumble. But we also see individuals and families that become stronger and closer when crisis stiles them. When family members are able to lean on each other and overcome the bad things together, relationships are strengthened.

A statement that I really like is “when we actually have to work for something we gain more appreciation for what we have.” That is something I have certainly seen and learned throughout my life. For me personally I know how much more something means to me when I myself put in the work to receive whatever the result or reward is. When we are faced with hard trying times when we put the work it to overcome that trial we gain appreciation for it because of what we were able to learn from it. What it comes down to is how we choose to react to the trials put in our paths. We can chose to use them as an opportunity to grow or we can let them over take us tare us down.

 God doesn’t punish people by allowing bad things to happen to us. One of my favorite quotes is by Elder Jorg Klebingat, he said “often trials and tribulations are allowed to come into [your life] because of what [you] are doing right”. I believe that to be true. Trials are what truly strengthens and help us to learn and grow the most. It is our choice of how we respond to trials that help shape us into who we are and who we will become.

When you think of a strong successful marriage what words come into your mind? For me I think of words such has love, trust, kindness, loyalty, dependency, devotion, faithful, just to name a few. Then think about a failed marriage, or just a marriage that is struggling. Which of those words that I have named would be violated? Pretty much all of them.

It is a sad thing when you see a marriage fall apart. Two people that once loved each other so much, and then by something that one of them might have done terse them apart. One of the greatest causes being infidelity. When spouses are unfaithful to one another. Nothing can be harder on a marriage then when one spouse cheats on the other. It is sad how much that happens these days.

In the Doctrine and Covenants section 42 verse 22 it says “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else.” That is a commandment from God. Marriages, just like life, aren’t meant to be easy, but they are worth it. When you are having problems in a marriage don’t turn away from your spouse, instead turn toward them, work out the problem together and by doing so your marriage and your love for one another will grow. Too often when couple are struggling they will go to parents or friends, and instead of taking that opportunity to grow close as a couple by overcoming the problem, more problems are caused and your marriage just grows farther apart. A statement that was made in class that I really liked was “one way we protect our marriage is by being kind and loving on the inside; that will make you strong on the outside.” Love one another, serve one another, work through problems and trials together, and your marriage will not fail, but will ultimately be beautiful.

A lot of good and interesting information in class this past week. We talked about newly-weds and the transitions they go through the first month of marriage, first year, and when children start coming into the family.

Of course when you get married there is going to be a lot of changes taking place. Which include not just marrying the person and for the wife to change her last name. Other examples would be making decisions together as now a unified partnership, finances stuff, medical stuff, extended family stuff, lots of stuff. And the list goes on. It is a lot of change, but change is good, change helps people to grow.

The biggest change is would most likely have to be when the first child comes along though. Reports have shown that when children are born marriage satisfaction between the husband and wife decreases. At first I didn’t understand how that could be. I always thought that a baby was a big bundle of joy, which it is, along with all the crying and diaper changing. But after our discussion and thinking about it I realized that it is possible for marriage satisfaction to decrease with the birth of a child. First of all, it is no longer just the two of you. You have just added a whole new individual to your family of two, which means very little alone time for the two of you for a while. When that baby comes along the mother often times spends all, or at least, most of her time with the baby, which can cause the husband and father to feel disconnected from the family and like he isn't needed. Also the fact that the baby tends to keep parents up at night making the parents more tired; everyone knows when you are tired you aren't very tolerable of things, which can lead to frequent arguments, etc. which often cause tension in your relationship with one another. The main thing I would say that can be the biggest problem is just the fact of not being able to spend as much time together, or even just feeling like you can't. But just because research says marital satisfaction decreases when children are born doesn't mean it has to be true for everyone. We all have the power and ability to choose how we will react to certain situations. It may be a bit more work when children come along to keep your marriage strong and increasing, but it is possible. Involve each other in all the aspects of raising your child, communicate with each other, and love each other unconditionally and your marital satisfaction will thrive with the additions to your families. 

Marriage is a huge step in everyone life. It is beautiful. There are many, many challenges along the way. But through those challenges if you work together your love for each other will grow and you will have a happy and successful marriage. Along with the challenges there are of course those wonderful moments of joy that we are blessed with. Children of our every own, our best friend always there, what more could someone ask for?

This week’s discussion in class was a bit more appealing I would say to our age group. We talked about dating, relationships, and falling in love. Fascinating, eh?

We first discussed “hanging out” compared to actual dating. Hanging out is literally just hanging out, you’re not there with someone in specific, you’re not committed to anyone, you are just there to have a good time and, well “hang out” with friends. This is not how you get to know people and begin to build a relationship that ultimately leads to marriage. Dating however is how you will begin to build that relationship.

Three things that we discussed that make it a date are, Planned, Paid for, and Paired off. First ‘Planned’. That means the date is planned out, both the guy and the girl are both prepared for the date. Second ‘Paid for’. That doesn’t mean that money is always has to be involved, it means that all resources are put in place. And finally, ‘Paired off’. Pretty self-explanatory there, but that means you are together with someone, for the duration of the date you are committed to each other. Something that we discussed going along with those three things are the roles of the man and the women in The Family a Proclamation to the World. It states that the man is to “Protect, Provide, and Preside.” So how are those related? We did it this way; ‘Planned’ and ‘Preside’ are correlated, ‘Paid for’ and ‘Provide’, and ‘Paired off and ‘Protect’. Then the role of the women is to “Nurture”, in which she does by complimenting, bringing out the best in the person, encouraging, etc. Pretty cool how everything is coordinated.

I am going to be pretty frank in this post. The topic is gender. It may just be me, but gender is something that seems to me to be simply black and white, you are either male or you are female. That is the way God made you in the beginning. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World it states, “Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” I strongly believe that, and I also believe God doesn’t make mistakes.

So many studies have been done, and are being done, on gender. Traits that are more common in men or traits that are more common in women, the way each react to different situations, and more. Which is true, there are going to be some trait differences because we have different genetic make ups, we use different parts of our brains with some things, we have different instincts, etc. Differences that aren’t bad, they are good. The differences don’t mean one gender is above the other either. We are all equal in God’s eyes, male and female, just with different rolls.

I very much dislike the comment “I was born the wrong gender”. That is impossible. We were a gender before we were even conceived. We are the gender we are and that isn’t supposed to be changed. Each and every person who lives on this earth “has a divine nature and destiny”. God has a plan for each of us, and our gender is an essential beginning of that plan.

Culture: "that complex whole which includes knowledge, belief, art, morals, law, custom and any other capabilities and habits acquired by man as a member of society."

Our culture makes up a huge part of who each of us are individually and collectively. Our families certainly have their own cultures as well. Think about the ways your family celebrates holidays, such as Christmas and birthdays. Maybe you don’t refer to what you do as culture, it can also be known has tradition, maybe a little more common term for the family. For example some of my family’s traditions for birthdays was we don’t have to do any chores that day, on Christmas eve we get to open our present from the sibling who picked our name that year, we listen to a conference talk every morning while we eat breakfast, and my dad takes us on a birthday date every year.. Sometimes you don’t really realize that certain things your family does is because of culture. It is kind of fun to think about. It can also be fun to look back at your family line to see what culture your family originated from and what traits your family has held onto over the years, or even generations.

It is cool to look at different cultures and see the differences of each, and how the individuals are affected because of their culture they live. Asian culture is quite focused on education, Hispanics are huge on family - just to give a couple examples. One of the great things about living in America is everyone who currently lives here, or who ever have, all immigrated here at one point or another in their family line. There is such a huge diversity of culture in America, so we get to see all different kinds. We are surrounded by all these different cultures, but then there is the one we live in, our family culture.

Our family culture is the one that affects us the most. It really shapes who we are and how we will run our families. Culture does have a large effect on us. As we grow up in our family culture then move out on our own and start our own families we get to choose what we want to apply to our own family and what we want to get rid of. This process is not as simple though as it sounds since we will be blending our family culture with our spouse’s to make a “new” family culture. The exciting thing is that this process goes on and on throughout the generations.

Have you ever wondered why your family acts the way it does? Or how different family members react to different situations? I had never really thought about it before, but then in class we talked about the family system, and how each member plays a role and affects the other members in one way or another.

For one of our assignments in class we wrote up a list of rules that our families had. It was interesting thinking back about the rules that we had in my home when I was growing up. Looking at where I am now, and where my siblings are, I realize how much family rules can have an impact on how the children turn out when they leave home. A huge rule that was emphasized in my home was respect and obedience, especially to my parents. I could always tell a difference just in the feeling of the home when that rule was being followed and the system of the home was running very smoothly, as compared to when there was arguing and all that other fun stuff that is in every home every once in a while. Talk about one thing affecting another. It was almost like a domino effect, one kid would back talk mom or dad, parents would get upset, child would get defensive, bad moods spread throughout all the members of the family. Kind of humorous it works that way wouldn’t you say. But the best part about it is that the family is still the base and the most important system and unit of society. Only in the home can you go one minute from being extremely mad at a sibling and in the next minute be out playing together. Why? Because the family is ordained of God. He wants us to be happy, and the home with our families is where we can be the happiest when we are all working in harmony with one another.  

This past week in my family relations class we discussed the decreasing fertility rates and the problems that are coming because of that. But what stuck out to me the most was what they predict is the only way to solve the problem, and that is the family. The reverence and honor for the value and virtue of the family has certainly decreased. God ordained marriage between a man and a women, and for them to bear and raise children together. So many people are choosing not to have children though for reasons such as school, money, social status, selfishness, lack of faith, fear, etc.

Something that has really hit me this past week is how precious life really is. A very dear friend of mine got in a really bad accident the end of last week that should have killed her. It is a miracle that she is alive. I got to go and visit her at the hospital and she still has at least three weeks she has to be in there, but she is alive and that is all that really matters to me. Not only is the life precious of those loved ones we have in this life, but just think about what if the parents of our loved ones or our own parents had just chosen not to have children. My grandmother’s mother was told after her first child not to have any more because she had a serious heart condition that would not be able to bear any more births. My grandmother was number 7 in her family. My Great-grandma trusted in God to fulfill part of the plan that He had sent her here for, and because of that she has hundreds of posterity now - including myself. If my great grandmother would not have had children because of health reasons or what a doctor had told her I would not be here today. Something I know is that God has a plan for each and every one of us, and He is going to help us accomplish it, if we choose to allow Him to and do our part. I believe that our decision to have children (or not to) affects more than just the parents. Over a period of time it will affect the human population of the earth.

I agree with the researchers’ prediction that strengthening the family unit is the solution for this increasing problem. In the Family Proclamation to the World it states, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife… Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children.” God has given men and women the power to create life, to bring children into this world, to love them and raise them. He has ordained marriage between one man and one women, which is the way it is meant to be. Children have the right to be able to have both a mother and a father as both roles are important in the lives of children. The possibility of children who only had a mother, or only a father, or same sex parents getting involved in drugs, gangs, suicides, abuse, etc. are much higher than when they are able to have both parents teaching them and setting an example for them. Men and women are equal but with different, important roles. Being able to grow up in a home with a mother and father who love each other, and a bunch of siblings has been a huge blessing in my life and has certainly impacted my life and the person I am becoming. From personal experience I know that strengthening the family truly can solve the population issues along with many others. Everything begins in the home, when that is strong the rest will follow.   

Class Mates Blogs:

Michael Williams... MichaelWilliamsCounseling.com
Trent Winn... trentwinn.blogspot.com
Rebecca Carter... rebeccarosecarter.blogspot.com
Elizabeth Holmes... elphantsfavoritefood.blogspot.com
Brailey Ellis... insighttothefamily.blogspot.com
Nate Blumenberg... nathanblumenberg.blogspot.com
Katelyn Schnepf... firmfamilies.blogspot.com
Shauna Dudgeon... ravenhands.worpress.com
Stephanie Sogla.... soglaohana.blogspot.com
Marissa Parks... marissalanaeparks.blogspot.com
Christy Yeong...ytszkiu.blogspot.com
Cassandra Blakey... cmblakely.blogspot.com
Samantha Ward.. Sammie19blog.weebly.com
Piper Stocking... sydneypiper.wordpress.com
Addi Heap... thoughtsoffachilddevlopmentmajor.blogspot.com
Ashley Judy... ashley12judy.blogspot.com
Tim Proskine...whatgodhathjoinedtogether.blogspot.com
Kenedi Gobl... fromthehearttohome.blogspot.com
Madison Walker... familymatters.blogspot.com
Marissa Brasga... marsbrasga.blogspot.com
Jordanne Walker... jordannewalker.wordpress.com
Kayee Kellogg... kelloggkaylee.blogspot.com
Cayley Barton... cayleybarton.blogspot.com
Michael Stevenson... www.3N513.Weebly.com
Kia Dewsnup... kiamd.blogspot.com
Megan Fokken... theohanastudios.blogspot.com
Karen Lozano... karenlozano.blogspot.com
Celeste Riches... momentscreatememories.blogspot.com
Nicole Barton... kahanhturangpamilya.blogspot.com
Miranda Mortenson... mirandamortensen.blogspot.com
Madeline Fife... nonoblerwork.wordpress.com
katie Beeson... ktbzn.wordpress.com
Dayna Schneider... familyistheanchor.blogspot.com
Lacey Turpin... laceyturpin.wordpress.com
Melissa Gould... melissalovesfamily.blogspot.com
Kourtney Howard... happinessthroughfamilies.blogspot.com
Mccall Donovan... mccallsreasons.blogspot.com
Raquel Villafuerte... raquelvillafuerte.wordpress.com
Ben Davies... familylearnin.blogspot.com
Ashley Pound... theboatyblog.blogspot.com
Ethan Watson... ethansfamily2015.blogspot.com
Stephanie Dudley... keytoeternalhappiness.wordpress.com
Kimberly Murphy... loveathome.wordpress.com
Kaylie Kenison... lifestoshorttomatchyoursocks.wordpress.com
Mariah Michaelis... http://mmariaht.blogspot.com/

Hey Everyone! My name is Kia. I was born in Northern California but was raised in Southern Idaho right out side Twin Falls. I am the second of 6 kids, one older sister and 4 younger brother, loads of fun there. I am currently attending BYU-Idaho. This is my second semester here. I did one semester before I went on my mission to Chicago. While on my mission I was able to teach and observe many different families, their living situations, careers, family life in general, etc. Seeing all that kind of sparked my interest to learn more about the family and so I am taking a Family Relations class for which I am creating this blog. To post comments, observation, and my own beliefs on family matters throughout these next few months while taking the class.